My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
