I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
