I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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