he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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