I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
