Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
