sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
