5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
