ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Let's get the cat blown out
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
