What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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