you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
