I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
