This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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