we should wear snuggies to the strip club
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
