maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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