just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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