me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
