And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
