so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
