dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
