If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
