remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just want to make out with him forever
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
