Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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