it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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