Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
