i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
