she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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