I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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