I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
