Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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