Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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