I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
