he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
