The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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