don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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