My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
