I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
