if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
there is glitter all over my balls
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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