A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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