I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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