Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
