The maid of honor just puked.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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