ugly people sure do ruin things
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
