dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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