He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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