the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
