I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
