So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
