it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
did i walk over a car last night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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