I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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