he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
