The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
