News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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