i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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