if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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