he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
