I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
