And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
