OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
