If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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