After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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