Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
