i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
