I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
